We’ve all been there. Just when you feel like you’ve taken all you can take, your kids find a way to pinch that last nerve and send you into a rage spiral. The trick to getting out of it is simple: booze. But what if you don’t have any of the golden tonic in the house? If you have to special order it, or drive more than 20 minutes, it’s not going to help you in this situation. That’s where this list comes into play.
Here are 7 Awesome Whiskeys You Can Grab When Your Last Nerve Has Been Pinched.
1. Balvenie – 15 Year Old Single Barrel
At about $70 bucks a bottle, this is the most expensive whiskey you’ll find on this list. But goddamn is it worth it. Delicate sweetness, with a spicy finish that peaks oh-so-right, this is the bottle you buy yourself instead of sitting in the car and crying like a 4 year old girl when you can’t take it anymore. Find another dad who’s ready to buy a stool and rope and save his life by splitting a bottle.
2. Four Roses Small Batch
Subtle and smooth, this stuff goes down like butter. At around $45 a bottle, it’s a perfect thirst quencher to tuck away in the cabinet as your standby. So delicate, you could down several glasses before you realize your legendary ‘hollow leg’ is made of rubber.
3. Woodford Reserve
Around the same price point as the Four Roses, this is starting to become the staple of our generation. Available at almost any store worth it’s salt. Hey, if it’s good enough for the Kentucky Derby, it’s good enough for you. Instead of taking your kid out back and giving them the gimp horse treatment, swig a bottle of Woodruff.
4. Johnny Walker Black
Sounds expensive, but names are deceiving. You can find a bottle for $30 or so. On the smokier side, it’s best to savor this one neat — you won’t want to swig it from the bottle in the laundry room. If your bar is closer than your liquor store, stop in and order a shot or two. By the time you reach the bottom of the glass you’ll be superdad again.
5. The Macallan 12
This classic bottle can be found at almost every liquor store in America for around $50. Sure, there are far pricier Macallans, but even the snobbiest Whiskey connoisseur won’t turn down a glass of this stuff. It’s practically a standard bearer of the 12 years, and it radiates such class and refinement that it’s almost too good for this list. Almost. But if you want to treat yourself right, without going over the top, you can’t go wrong with THE Macallan 12 year.
6. Chivas Regal 12 Year Blended Scotch
The drink of successful businessmen and orthodox rabbis. If you open this bottle, plan to have a list of philosophical topics you want to discuss. Invite your father over to crack a bottle and talk about multi-generational topics, like how your grandfather made it through The Great Depression. Ride this bottle like a steady train, carrying you and a close confidant into the wee hours of the night, leaving family station far behind.
7. Bulleit Bourbon
A lot of people are raving about the Bulleit Rye, but I’ll take their Kentucky straight bourbon any day of the week – every day of the week actually. A steal at $30 bucks for 750ml, this is The Sam Adams of Bourbon: a highly drinkable bottle at an affordable price. Bonus: The bottle is flat and concealable, perfect for smuggling on board a cruise ship or into a high school reunion.
Look, if you didn’t want to explode on your kids from time to time, you wouldn’t be human. But if you actually go nuclear on them, you’re probably not being the best dad you can be. Save yourself the guilt and the raw, scratchy voice. Next time you find yourself red-faced, grab the car keys, take a little drive and buy yourself a liquid present wrapped in a brown paper-bag.